A Critique of Parent and Adolescent Communication About Smoking - Nuha Alhumaid

Introduction
The use of tobacco products among adolescents has become one of the most critical issues of Public Health in the United States today. Smoking is an unhealthy habit which affects everyone in society. A study indicates that parental attitudes and behavior have been identified in a number of studies as important social factors associated with smoking by adolescents (1). Constructive and effective parental communication is the cornerstone that can help adolescents overcome smoking. Though parents intend to help their children through effective communication, they sometimes inadvertently send negative messages. I will discuss below three communication mistakes that parents make when warning their adolescent about smoking, namely the following: conditional parental love, the definition of smoking as an adult privilege, and lastly, parents acting as negative role models.

Conditional Parental Love
A common mistake that parents make when communicating with adolescents is making them feel they are loved only when they meet their parents’ expectations, thus making love conditional on good behavior. This means that parents value their adolescents only to the extent they conform to the parents’ standards of behavior. This, essentially, is a negative message sent implicitly and unintentionally from parent to child: love is awarded only when the parent thinks that the child is good; if the parent perceives the child to be anything but good—no love is given.
Michael S. Nystul discussed unconditional love as an example of positive parenting principles associated with one of the basic needs of Maslow’s hierarchy, which is the need to be loved (2). Maslow (1954) conceptualized a model of how self-actualization takes place—a natural process once the individual’s basic and higher-order needs (physiological, safety, belonging, love and self-esteem) are met. Nystul argues that when parents love a child conditionally they express their love only when the child acts satisfactorily according to the parents’ standards of behavior. They withhold their love when the child falls short of this standard. Consequently adolescents grow up feeling that parental love and acceptance are conditional, resulting in their not being able to have an open relationship with the parents. Research shows that 90% of all adult smokers started when they were kids, and more than 4,400 kids become regular smokers each day (3).

Adolescents face the risk of trying smoking for the first time or becoming regular smokers everyday, especially under pressure from peers and Tobacco ads. This is a fact that parents cannot ignore. But do parents have the opportunity to protect their adolescents from becoming addicted? Do adolescents feel secure enough about their parent’s love and acceptance that they would talk to them about this new experience without being rejected? With conditional love, the answer would most likely be no. In this case, when adolescents do start smoking, they are more likely to do it furtively and not tell their parents about it, or seek their help. They would keep their smoking secret for as long as they can, so as not to risk being rejected or losing parental love. Even when parents tend to help their adolescents and manage to protect them from becoming smokers, conditional love still affects the lines of communication and cause very harmful results. This shows the harmful consequences of impaired communication and its deadly connection to early smoking.

Defining Smoking as an Adult Habit
While communicating with adolescents, parents must be careful of how they relay messages to them. If parents imply that smoking is not acceptable for their adolescents because they are too young to start smoking, teenage children will understand that smoking is an age-related habit rather than a dangerous unhealthy habit. This idea is the same concept that Tobacco companies have long appealed to youth with—promoting smoking as “a sign of true adulthood”(4). So the implicit message a child receives here is that smoking is unacceptable for adolescents, but perfectly fine for adults. This double standard—borne of impaired communication—leads to negative results. The first is that it may lead to rebelliousness. One of the common characteristics of this age group is their “focus on achieving independence by forming an identity” (5). We see this in certain adolescents’ attempt to use smoking as a clear sign of their independence and as a means of their transition from adolescence to adulthood. Furthermore, an analysis of tobacco coverage in high school newspapers has shown that “many kids’ articles included ‘resistance statements’ congruent with viewing tobacco use as rebellion and/or independence” (6). Moreover, public service announcements (PSAs) that show behaviors such as smoking and drinking as “only for adults”—some produced by industry—make this practice seem exclusive, thus even more appealing (7). So in the first scenario, a teenager may take up the habit of smoking merely to go against a rule that the parents have set, just to show his or her independence of elders.

The second negative result this double standard behavior may lead to is the individuals’ misconception and assumption that smoking is “ok” since they have reached adulthood. Robert McDermott, Ph.D., chairperson of the USF Department of Community and Family Health, asserted that there is a strong perception among both kids who smoke and those who do not, that smoking is a typical adult practice (8). This might result in their adopting this unhealthy behavior when they become adults themselves. This type of framing could cause deeply-embedded confusion in the adolescent’s mind. It may also prevent adolescents from knowing the acceptable baseline of correct behavior and what standards should be followed. Thus, in this scenario, the teenager who decides to start smoking in adulthood does so sincerely believing that smoking is actually perfectly acceptable—and perhaps even expected—in this new stage of life.

Negative Parental Behavior
Although parents try to prevent their adolescents from smoking via effective communication, they might not be adequately aware of setting a good example and being healthy role models themselves for their adolescents. Parents might try to communicate with their adolescents verbally to prevent them from smoking. Yet, the adolescents are watching their parents—and ultimate role models—smoking in front of them repeatedly, perhaps in an effort on the part of parents to manage stress or relax tension. The message—of actions rather than that of words—is hammered home. Adolescents are usually more affected by what their parents do than by what their parents say. Therefore, parents must be aware of the lessons and messages they unintentionally send to their teens. As the saying goes, ‘Actions speak louder than words.’Bricker, a research associate in the center's Cancer Prevention and Trials Program, said:

Statistics show that if a child reaches age 18 without becoming a smoker, his or her odds of remaining smoke-free are around 90 percent. Therefore, our results indicate that if all smoking parents were to quit smoking by the time their children were around age 8, it could prevent 136,000 young people in the United States from becoming daily, long-term smokers. (9)

This statement supports the idea that smoking parents deeply affect their children by the mere action of smoking, regardless of what they may say in words to their children about smoking being unhealthy or off-limits.

Alternative Approach:
As I stated above, there needs to be a different approach parents can take, following the findings and teachings of social and behavioral sciences. First, parental unconditional love means loving adolescents and accepting them without restrictions or stipulations. The love granted is not contingent upon any action or word on the part of the adolescent in any way. If adolescents start smoking, parents who love their teenage children unconditionally would manage this problem wisely and address it with the appropriate solution—never indicating to the child either implicitly or explicitly that their love has decreased.

Parents should make their adolescents feel safe by reassuring them that this incident will not change the amount of love the parents will give. This strategy reinforces parental love and communicates to adolescents that they can control the situation. Unconditional parental love is a tool which parents can use to effectively communicate openly and freely with their teens. Secondly, they should explain that they condemn the smoking habit itself. This distinction is crucial: parents must make clear that the condemnation is directed at the action, i.e. smoking, and not at all at the child. This philosophy gives parents the chance to protect their teens—from becoming smokers and struggling for the rest of their lives attempting to qui—by maintaining clear and healthy lines of communication unclouded by doubt or fear on the child’s part. It is important to note that unconditional love is only the first pillar which must be followed by appropriate communication and good role modeling behavior.

Parents should be very clear about the health values they teach their adolescents. These values must be constant and applicable to all ages and for all times because true values never change. In this case, smoking should be labeled clearly as an unhealthy and condemned action, regardless of age or gender or context. Parents would do well to categorically reject this unclean habit, rather than stress that smoking is bad for children. Only children? The adolescent might wonder—naturally. Thus, it is the responsibility of the parent to clarify that smoking is bad for a person at any time, at all times.

Unfortunately, tobacco ads take advantage of adolescents’ desire for independence and maturity, and try to send signals indicating the ‘adult’ nature of smoking—thus playing on the weakness of adolescents. But as stated above, parents cannot give up, because they have a huge influence and responsibility towards their adolescents. It becomes even more incumbent upon the caregiver to act as a counter-weight to societal pressures—such as peer pressure and tobacco commercials—by sending the opposite, correct messages, instilling the true, healthy values in their offspring.

If parents want to be good role models for their adolescents, they should first think about their own unhealthy habits from a different perspective. Having children can be the greatest motive for parents to change their attitude towards tobacco, if one is a smoker. If a parent smokes it not only affects their own life, but it can also directly shape their children’s attitude toward smoking and may lead to the child adopting the same habit. Thus this parental unhealthy habit may affect their children’s lives forever; if, for example, as often occurs, the adolescent decides to follow suit and smokes for a while, it can be extremely difficult to quit, and even worse, it becomes frustrating when failures occur repeatedly.

Additionally, parents can send a powerful practical message to adolescents if they give up smoking and adopt healthy ways of managing stress. Children learn, almost unconsciously, to emulate their parents, their elders, their role models. Parents can capitalize on this instinct for the good of their young ones; that is, parents have an opportunity to shape the values and ideals of their adolescents by acting a certain way: doing certain things and refraining from others. Indeed, when a parent’s words are coupled with congruent actions, the message is made crystal-clear to the adolescent. This is the best way to teach adolescents and help them internalize the value that smoking is not a solution to dealing with stress. Therefore, when adolescents face difficulties as adults themselves, they would be much less likely to resort to smoking as a way out of the hardship thus ruining their health. Parents should try to lead by example, to live in keeping with their values.

If it proves too difficult for a parent to quit smoking, then the next best option is to show the adolescent that the parent is striving hard to end the addiction. It would greatly impress upon the child the vileness of the habit to see the parent struggle and work hard to quit smoking—whether the struggle of the parent involves going to help sessions, consistently and gradually decreasing the number of packs of cigarettes smoked a week, or using substitute products for nicotine in order to wean oneself off cigarettes. Such sincere efforts and varied attempts on the part of the parent signal to the child the enormity of smoking, and show that it is clearly not a habit to fall into. If parents have a hard time succeeding, the least they could do is to refrain from smoking in the presence of their children—this directly and blatantly contradicts the values parents try to preach to their kids.

Conclusion
In conclusion, parents can control adolescents’ smoking through positive behavior and effective communication. Unconditional love is the first step not only in preventing smoking, but also in ensuring a healthy, psychologically-sound, and nurturing parent-child relationship. Effective verbal communication through setting concrete, consistent principles with regards to smoking provides adolescents with a solid base that protects them from falling into this life-threatening habit. Lastly, being a consistently good mentor whose footsteps are worthy of being followed is very important. Parents can influence their adolescents’ conduct by example. It is crucial that parents comprehend both the magnitude of their role in the lives of their adolescents and the proper way to instill and reinforce good values. Unconditional love, non-contradictory verbal communication, and good conduct are the key elements to providing a healthy, happy life for adolescents.

References:
(1) Kelli A. Komro. “Parental, Family, and Home Characteristics Associated with Cigarette Smoking Among Adolescents.” The Science of Health Promotion 17.5 (May/June 2003): 292.

(2) Nystul, Michael. “Positive Parenting Leads to Self-Actualizing Children.” Individual Psychology: Journal of Adlerian Theory, Research and Practice 40.2 (Jun 1984): 177-183.

(3) Kids Health. July 2005. 8 November 2006.

(4) Flatt, G. “Are students going up in smoke? New FDA Regulations Affect Students and Business Owners.” Davenport Central High School Blackhawk (1997): 4-5.

(5) Austin, Erica. “Reaching Young Audiences: Developmental Considerations in Designing Health Messages” Designing Health Messages: Approaches from Communication Theory and Public Health Practice. Ed. Edward W. Maibach, Roxanne Louiselle Parrott. California: Sage Publications, (1995): 119.

(6) Malone, R., Wenger, L., & Bero, L. “High School Journalists’ Perspectives on Tobacco” Journal of Health Communication 7 (2002): 139

(7) DiFranza, J.R., & McAfee, T. “The tobacco institute: Helping youth say ‘yes’ to tobacco.” Journal of Family Practice 34 (1992): 694-696.

(8) KidSource Online. 20 April 2000 “Fifth-Graders Mistakenly View Cigarette Smoking as Normal Adult Habit, University of South Florida Study Shows” 8 Dec. 2006
(9) Woodward, Kristen. “Quit before kids reach third grade” Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center. (15 May 2003). 3 Nov. 2006